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"You Tell Me That It's Evolution"


 *Video displayed above: https://youtu.be/BGLGzRXY5Bw

You say you got a real solution
Well, you know
We'd all love to see the plan

It's a hard thing to acknowledge and accept falling back into old bad habits. It is also hard to accept when tools used in the past no longer work, AND when tools used in the past are necessary. I'm going to acknowledge something here that can be an uncomfortable topic for some people, including me, but really shouldn't be.

After being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis I went through some serious depression. I remember sitting on the kitchen floor of my kitchen sobbing over the fact that I MIGHT lose my mobility, I MIGHT lose my livelihood, I MIGHT never run a marathon again, and so on. What I had to come to terms with is I might NOT, and that I wouldn't know until it happened. Shortly after diagnosis, I ran another marathon, I got a couple of cool promotions, and I am still mobile. Part of my progress in recognizing the fact that I could still do things was with the help of some pharmaceuticals. Yep, I started taking some anti-depressants and was amazed how, over time, my hope returned, my positivity returned, and I could see the Bright Side of Life! Every day I chose hope and health, and it was hard even with the pharmaceuticals, but tools from counseling gave the last bit of a push I needed to get me there. 

During this time, my oldest nephew gave me the biggest compliment, and that was (paraphrased of course): Aunt Sarah, do you know why all of us (your nieces and nephews) look up to you? You are always so positive even when tough stuff happens...

He told me this while we were having one of our many discussions about life. I was proud of myself in that moment...

About 12 months ago, my GP and I were talking about the benefit of my anti-depressants in light of my weight gain, and started discussing the option to taper the medication. I explained to the doctor that I knew what my personal contribution was to each pound gained, and I understood that it wasn't just the medication but because of the correlation between anti-depressants it was worth noting exploring their impact on my physical health. 

We tabled the topic, but came back to it with every appointment (ps. I have to go to the doctor often, which is why we had the opportunity to continuously come back to it). When we first started the discussion we didn't have all of the information of what was to come: a global pandemic, a major job change, quarantining, civil unrest, etc. But, alas, about 6 months ago I began the taper because I was handling all of this 'stuff' so well. Or so I thought!

Well, let me tell you what happened:

I continued gaining weight, I continued laying around in front of the TV, I continued my covid diet... And here I sit... back where I was when I was sitting on my kitchen floor sobbing with my dog... A bit less dramatic this time because I have 5-6 years of wisdom on board, I know how to talk myself out of the bottoms, and my new pup does not tolerate tears!

 Luckily I have history on my side to show me a path:

  • Daily goals;
  • Counseling;
  • Big event goals (perhaps a marathon in 2022);
  • And, pharmaceuticals...
These will be my evolution!

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