Saturday, August 8, 2015

Fixation

I'm told that I can get fixated on things, and simply not let them go. These fixations come and go, but I typically have a couple of days every four weeks or so in which I'll grab onto something, and latch on.

I remember my sister once likened certain people who were dating to a fish hook and a fish. Important background is that there are two types of fish hooks, one with a barb, the other without. Hooks without barbs are easier to remove from the fish; hooks with barbs can get stuck and can sometimes damage the fish when removed. The situation was this... We knew a girl who was dating a guy, guy broke up with the girl, girl latched on and wouldn't let go. This was way back in the days of pagers and home phones, so she would call and page. It was like she was a fish hook with a barb, and the poor guy was stuck, and he didn't even realize it. He would start to shake her off but the barb would reengage the minute it started escaping him. This went on forever!!!! Well, at least what seemed like forever to high school kids...

Anyway, I bring this up because my fixations are like fish hooks with barbs, they get stuck, until I decided to just cut the hook above the barb and walk away with that little bit of barb still in me. I'm OK with the residual piece of barb because that is basically a story, that I get to carry with me, but no longer controls me. The thing is, if you never live these lines from Invictus:

I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

that hook and fishing line will continue to try and pull you back in when you are least expecting it, and when it isn't your choice.

Where am I going with this? Well, I think I am saying this... I'm super fixated right now and trying to cut the string. One of the current fixations is on my very easy ability to shrug my shoulders at exercise when I know a more consistent schedule would help me both physically and emotionally. I am dying to ride my bike tomorrow, and so I am going to ride my bike! I'm going to cut away that fishing line/hook, and I'm going to swim upstream, because it's a better workout! And then my fixation will be gone.


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