|Sunrise over Oman|
Recently I was telling one of my biggest supporters about my desire to attempt a half iron man at some point in the near future, just to be met with skepticism. I honestly wasn't expecting it and was a little taken back. I realize the intensity and time it takes to train for any endurance sport takes persistence and is more about the power of the mind but if there was any time to take on the challenge it would be now when I am childless and enjoying the positive benefits of my new lifestyle. When I was faced with this less than positive statement I felt like I hit wall, a roadblock; and when my mind encounters a road block it can be very difficult to figure out which direction to move.
I haven't been feeling my best this week. I had a sore throat yesterday and was extremely tired today. I took a nap after work, which is unheard of for me, so I could go out an run 10 miles tonight. The 10 miles were less than stellar. I found myself running too fast in the beginning, slowing down to a walk many times during the run just to accomplish 9ish miles. During the run I was faced with discontent, frustration, sadness and doubt. If today was a battle between my mind and body, I would absolutely have to say my mind won. I cried, I stomped my feet, I pretended I was happy when I passed other runners, I beat myself up for stopping a few times. This time anthems never played in my head to get me more motivated (reference to my Five Mile Meltdown). The positives never appeared, instead I heard the voices of the less than supportive people saying that I am crazy, unbalanced, trying to prove something and the list goes on.
The reality is I am trying to prove something, everyone is crazy and unbalanced at times. Does this make me a bad person? Does this mean I shouldn't do it? Does this mean I am not going to hit the trails again on Friday? All this means is I need to keep battling the negative thoughts that are running through my head until I find the sunshine and roses again. I know they exist for me so I will not give up!