|My blog needed a picture of me smiling!|
I haven't received a final diagnosis for my leg, but I do know that, at least, until Monday I am sidelined from any activity other than swimming. I'm thankful I can swim, but am bummed that I can't run. This post may be jumping the gun a little bit (perhaps a little over dramatic, too) but I want to get it out of my system for now!
Two things to think about as you read this post:
1) The quote: 'Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all'?
2) Someone once told me that if you break up with someone, the chances that your relationship will work if you get back together are fairly slim; not impossible but also not favorable.
I like to relate running to life and in other cases life to running. Because I am currently sidelined from running, and am anticipating a six week ride on the bench, I have started thinking about my re-entry into the running world. Some people may think it is a little crazy to talk about what is going to happen in six weeks, but I feel it best to prepare myself now.
I feel like running has broken up with me, right now. One of my friends told me that I need to view this as a separation, not a break up. Not sure how I feel about that, isn't it all the same? Taking a break from something/someone you love is basically stating you don't need it in your life. It is even harder if you are not the one making the decision and something else is making the decision for you. It is very hard to make sense of something, when you aren't the one in control. I think in those situations, even more time is spent pondering what I could have changed, what I could have done to prevent this. It isn't always our fault though... Yes, I absolutely admit I suffered terribly from over training, but at some point I need to quit beating myself up over this, learn from it and then move on.
My biggest fear is this: Have you ever been in a relationship, you break up and then you get back together? A lot of people have, this is actually more common than not. On the second try with the relationship, has it felt different, not right from the beginning but you keep trying, hoping it will correct itself just for it to fail in the end? Many people have done this as well, I know, I have. I fear that running will result in the same demise as that relationship that failed over, and over, and over again!
I don't want to be the doomsayer (I have to take a moment and acknowledge I always thought the word doomsayer, was actually doomsDayer. Spell check saved me again!!!) here, but I also want to be realistic. When I start running again, it is going to feel different! I am going to, for awhile at least, pay closer attention to my body and less attention to the experience. I used to run for the experience, the peace I find because of the experience. It frightens me to know my focus will have to change. Is it going to take away from the love I have and the joy I find from running?
Also, I will fully admit that running is a big part of my social life. Many of my friends are runners and I can frequently be found running with them around town. Will they take me back and embrace me the same way when I come back? I know at least a couple of them are what I would call 'forever friends' who are currently there for me to lean on as I navigate my way back over the line from stupid to tough! I honestly can't express my gratitude to them for taking the time to express care and concern this past week or even hanging out with me when I call. For that I am extremely thankful. I know, those people will continue to walk (or run) beside me as I heal. They are the reason I have hope!!! I actually need to take the time to thank them if I haven't done so already...
Now for the hope!
I especially enjoy the quote above about love because it is totally true. We are fortunate people if we are able to say we have loved in our life, even if we lost the love, because not everyone can say they have. If you have loved someone, and I mean truly loved someone, you know how good it feels, especially when they reciprocate. Every relationship builds off of the last in some fashion. We learn our strengths and weaknesses, we also gain a better understanding of the constants, or those things that we need to take responsibility for as we navigate through life. The lessons learned from the loss only make the next love that much better!
I think the serenity prayer is especially helpful in tough situations (grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference). I think it is interesting that the focus is on these first three lines because there is so much more wisdom if you go deeper into the prayer. The following three lines are equally as important: "Living one moment at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as a way to peace."
If you recall, earlier in this post, I referred to peace as an end result I am looking for when I run. Because I will have had a break from running and because my approach will have to change, it will be like an entirely new relationship to develop. I know that because I have loved it before, in a slightly different form, I will probably love it again! I am going to have to approach every run differently and one run at a time. In the end, this break could eventually lead to more growth and wisdom in how I approach running and for that I am thankful!
For now, I need to simply 'Let it Be'!
For your listening pleasure, this is an awesome cover of the song, take a listen as it will not disappoint! Music starts at 35 seconds.
I also want to give a quick shout out to my good friend and buddy J, who will be running the 10 miler tomorrow. I'm extremely sad that I will not be on the course with her, but I will be on the sidelines to cheer her on!!! I might even sing a couple tunes for her. Journey or Fun anyone??? Here is a picture of J and me, getting ready to run this 10 mile race in 2011. Run your little butt off!!! I'll be running with you again in no time!!!
|Getting ready to run 10 miles in 2011!!!|