Saturday, March 12, 2011
The Five Mile Meltdown
Anyway, I was walking, crying and beating myself up because I couldn't find my groove. I started thinking about the movie Top Gun. Now where that came from is 100% beyond me. I kept thinking of the scene when Maverick had lost his friend but had to go into combat. Maverick was keeping up and then all of a sudden disengaged. He was talking to himself trying to find meaning after such a tragic loss of his friend Goose. While watching the movie you can see the moment Maverick regains his confidence and reengages in the fight. Ultimately Maverick saved the day AND the Top Gun anthem starts playing. You know the scene, it is the one in which my Dad turns the volume up on the TV as loud as possible so you can experience the moment, not just watch the moment.
The soundtrack started playing in my head and I started to get back in the 'game'. Now I was seriously in the depth of all depths you will inevitably encounter during a training regimen. My mind was all over the place. I was thinking about how upset people get when their team loses the Superbowl, how sports commentators can sometimes be heard saying it as if 'they' (meaning the team) didn't show up today, the Olympic athlete who will never be able to truly win but finishes anyway. I was trying to figure out how you get through those moment, where do you find the strength...
And then it happened I kicked it up a notch and told myself I am not a wuss. In runners world magazine this week one article featured a runner who wants to compete in the marathon of all marathons, otherwise know as the Olympic marathon. The article talked about how she wanted to go as a competitor not JUST a participant. I didn't understand that statement until I broke down today...
We are all competing against something when we sign up for an event. Whether we want to be first, cross the finish line or beat our last time. The only way we can 'compete' is by facing our fears, failures and disappointments and learn from them.
Ultimately I had a meltdown that included mind games, big fat tears and terrible pain. I did not give up. I faced those fears, fought those fears and I conquered!